Koko's Dadi

As I grow older, in fact ever since I crossed the fortieth year of my life, I often wonder what I would be like as an old woman. Will I also become depressed, self-pitying, over-sensitive and complaining like many old people I know or will I be able to retain my optimism, sense of humour and fun and face life with a smile on my face. I look for role models among my acquaintances and almost always the one face that stands out among the crowd is of a dearly loved relation- Koko's Dadi

If we look at children, we will almost always find them full of life, laughter and fun- laughing at their friends, at themselves and at the world at large. Unfortunately, as we grow older, most of us tend to lose our sense of humour. We become sensitive, acquire a serious disposition , adopt moralistic and judgmental postures and needlessly carry a burden of worries on our shoulders. There are very few that retain their sense of humour into their old age. Koko’s dadi was one of such people.

Koko is my cousin, her mother being my father’s sister. Both our families spent considerable time during our childhood in our small native city together as Koko’s father, as well as mine, had their jobs there. Even though Koko and I were brought up in different homes, it was like growing up together, like siblings. We met very frequently and shared our relatives with each other…so Koko’s grandma was my grandma too. I too called her ‘Dadi’ like her.

I can picture Dadi as I had seen her during my childhood. She gracefully dressed in light colored cotton saris, draping it in a 'Seedha Palla' style, covering her head with her ‘aanchal’. She had a cheerful disposition, with a smile ready to appear at the tiniest of reasons. She was a perfect counterfoil to her husband ( whom we addressed as 'Baba') who was a serious–natured scholar. Both of them had an inclination towards literature. While Baba researched and wrote serious books for learned readers, Dadi wrote and told stories for children. She was a treasure trove of interesting and funny stories and I remember us, children of the family, surrounding her often begging her to tell us stories.

Dadi was a child at heart. She spent her free time playing dice games with children, and just like kids, she had this desire to win every game she played. At times, this led to curious situations. Once she was playing her favourite game 'Ludo' with my six year-old sister Guddan. There was this crucial moment when Dadi was about to win, when a chance throw of dice by Guddan put Dadi in a losing position. Taken aback, Dadi refused to allow it, arguing that her coins were at a different position and Guddan was mistaken in thinking that they were, where they actually were. Guddan got so offended by this show of unsporting(!) spirit by Dadi that she refused to play with her anymore. Dadi tried to entice her into replaying the game but Guddan refused. Dadi temporarily lost one of her playmates. Next week when Dadi visited our home, she told my mother regretfully,

“Guddan has become annoyed with me. Mistake was mine of course, I had actually been unfair in the game. Now she just refuses to play with me.”

Needless to say, after sometime Dadi managed to placate Guddan into forgiving her and becoming her play partner again.

Dadi had a great capability of playing practical jokes. We had heard of the story when she had filled up a skin shed by a snake with earth and placed it into a room used by Baba’s clients( he used to practice law) in all its glory with its head raised, seemingly ready to attack. When the clients entered the room, they were terrified to see the snake and ran out of the room. After a lot of commotion and discussion, it was decided to kill the snake. When a courageous person entered the room and hit at it with a stick, the ‘snake’ broke into three pieces. The man was at first stunned and then embarrassed.

“The children are very naughty in this household”, remarked the man, accusingly looking at the children.

“There is a person naughtier than the children in this household,” replied Baba who had taken no time to realize who in the family could have planned played such a prank.

Dadi did not believe in ghosts. If somebody told her that a ghost resides on such and such ‘peepal’ tree and appears only at midnight, she would make it a point to go to that haunted tree at midnight only in order to meet that ghost. She never got to meet one, however. Once it so happened that she was returning home from somewhere in the very early morning hours with a friend. They saw two cyclists at some distance who were coming towards them but seemed to be hesitating. Dadi immediately understood that because of their white saris, the cyclists are wondering whether they were ghosts who had come down from the haunted tree. She and her friend looked at each other conspiratorially and then charged towards the cyclists letting out ghostly screams. The cyclists panicked, dumped there cycles then and there and raced in the opposite direction and disappeared from sight in moments. Dadi and her friend came home laughing, certain that those cyclists would be telling people about their encounter with a couple of ‘chudails’(witches) for years to come.

There was a helper in the house, Jung Bahadur who was a little pompous. Dadi enjoyed taking a dig at him. Jung Bahadur did not take garlic and onion in his food and made quite a show of it. One day, while he was out for some work, Dadi took his shirt and under the collar of is shirt, stitched a row of garlic pods. Jung Bahadur put on his shirt the next day. All day he kept complaining about the stink of garlic, wondering why the stink was following him everywhere. It was only in the evening that he found out what was causing the continuous smell of garlic around him.

There was a pet goat in Dadi’s household. One day, when Jung Bahadur was to return from a leave Dadi took the trouble of threading the hardened droppings of the goat and creating a garland out of it. When Jung Bahadur arrived and touched her feet, giving him her blessings she put the garland on his neck while rest of the family members who were aware of the plan shook with suppressed laughter. Jung Bahadur took sometime to realize how exactly he had been honoured!

There are countless incidents like this which are treasured by the people who came in contact with her. Her liveliness, her laughter and her ability to look life in the face with cheerfulness under all circumstances touched our lives as did the unconditional love and affection that she gave to all around her. She was the person we ran to when we we were in some trouble and needed an adult on our side with full confidence that we would get full support from her side as well as a solution to our childlike problems.

Dadi also had a serious side to her that balanced her fun-loving nature. She taught her children and grand children the the sense of right and wrong, the importance of fairness, the importance of compassion, the idea that if there is a will there is always a way and that one's purpose in life had something to do with making a difference even if ever so small. She has always been and will remain a guiding light for us. We feel fortunate and blessed that we had the opportunity to grow up in her shadow.

Dadi passed away at a relatively young age, in her early sixties. She had retained her optimism till her end. Her death was a big loss to the younger members of the family- we had lost a close friend and confidant also a willing accomplice in our childish pranks. Life was just not the same without her. In nearly five decades of my life, I have not met anyone like Dadi. Every time I think of her, the image I see of her has a smile on her face with a twinkle in her eyes. It brings a smile to my face too and raises a hope in my heart- that some day, like her, I too may manage to be an old woman with a heart as young and joyful as a child.

-Vandana