आज सुबह माँ से बात हुई तो पता चला कि मेरी एक भतीजी की शादी तय हो गई है और दस दिन बाद उसकी गोद भराई की रस्म है। लड़का एक बहु राष्ट्रीय कंपनी में अफ़सर है। मेरे भाई एक डिग्री कालेज में रीडर हैं और मेरी भतीजी एम एस सी पास है। विवाह अगले नवंबर में होगा।
यहाँ तक तो खुशी की बात थी । पर इसके आगे की बात सुन कर मैं सोच में पड़ गई। गोद भराई की रस्म में दूसरे शहर से पच्चीस लोग आ रहे हैं, जिनके ठहरने, खाने-पीने, स्वागत सत्कार और विदाई के उपहार का ’डीसेंट’ इंतज़ाम करना है। यह भी आग्रह है कि लड़के को तनिष्क की ही हीरे की अंगूठी पहनाई जाए ("यदि आप इंतज़ाम न कर सकें तो हमें बता दें, हम साथ ले आएंगे, आप सिर्फ़ बिल चुका दीजिएगा")। गोद भराई की वेन्यू स्टैंडर्ड की होनी चाहिये नहीं तो उनके रिश्तेदार क्या कहेंगे? उनके घर के पहले लड़के की शादी है इसलिए पूरा परिवार लड़की से मिलना चाहता है, कोई नवंबर तक रुकने को तैयार नहीं, सो सबको लाना पड़ रहा है- यह सब जता दिया गया है।
मैं भाई के माथे पर पड़ती चिंता की रेखाओं की कल्पना कर रही हूँ। अध्यापक आदमी, वेतन ही कितना मिलता है। किसान पिता कुछ छोड कर नहीं गए थे सो मकान का इंतज़ाम, दो ब़च्चों की शिक्षा सब इसी नौकरी के भरोसे किया। खींच तान कर बेटी की शादी के लिए कुछ पैसे जोड़े थे, उसमें से आधे तो गोद भराई के समारोह में खर्च हो जाएंगे। शादी में क्या होगा? उस समय और चीज़ों के साथ कार की माँग भी है। बुढा़पे के लिए जो प्राविडेंट फ़ंड जोड़ा था, उसमें से निकालेंगे, काफ़ी कुछ उधार भी लेना पडे़गा। लड़की सत्ताइस साल की हो गई है, वह किसी भी कीमत पर हाथ आए रिश्ते को जाने नहीं दे सकते।
मुझे विवाह के विशाल आयोजन की रोज़ रोज़ बढ़ती इस प्रथा पर ही कोफ़्त होती है। पहले सिर्फ़ विवाह बड़ा समारोह होता था। सगाई और संगीत नितांत घरेलू मामले होते थे जिनमें गिने चुने मेहमानों को घर में ही बना चाय नाश्ता करा दिया जाता था। अब यह दोनों भी बडे़ समारोह बन गए हैं जिनके लिए हाल बुक करना होता है, सजावट होती है, डी जे बुलाया जाता है,केटरिंग कराई जाती है। पहले सोने के गहने काफ़ी होते थे, अब हीरों के सेट के बिना दहेज पूरा नहीं माना जाता। रोज़ रोज़ हमें बताया जो जा रहा है कि Diamonds are a girl's best friends. जीते जागते लोग नहीं, हीरे आपके सच्चे दोस्त हैं। शादी के नाम पर एक पूरी इंड्स्ट्री चालू हो गई है। पत्रिकाएं विवाह विशेषांक छापती हैं जिसमें पैसे खर्च करने के एक हज़ार तरीके सुझाए जाते हैं। जिनके पास पैसा है, वह शादी में बेतहाशा खर्च करना एक स्टेटस सिंबल समझते हैं। जिनके पास नहीं है, वह उनकी नकल में बूते से ज़्यादा खर्च करते हैं, चाहे इसके लिए उन्हें घर गिरवी रख कर कर्ज़ ही क्यों न लेना पडे़। शादी एक संस्कार न रह कर एक तमाशा बन कर रह गई है।
मुझे आज के युवा वर्ग पर आश्चर्य होता है, अफ़सोस भी। अच्छी शिक्षा व नौकरी होने के बावज़ूद लड़के को इस बेमतलब के खर्चे में कोई बुराई नहीं नज़र आ रही है। उसके बाप का पैसा थोड़े ही खर्च हो रहा है? यहाँ तो जिसके बाप का पैसा खर्च हो रहा है, उसे भी कोई परेशानी नहीं है। लड़की हज़ारों का लहँगा खरीद कर लाई है मौके के लिए। ब्यूटी पार्लर का पैकेज बुक किया है। वेन्यू की सजावट के लिए खर्चीला डेकोरेटर उसने पसंद किया है। उसकी गोद भराई क्या रोज़ रोज़ होगी? पिताजी का पैसा जाए तो जाए। आखिर बेटी पैदा करने की गलती की है, अब पैसा खर्च करने से क्यों घबरा रहे हैं?
मुझे खीझ होती है आज की शिक्षा प्रणाली पर जो लोगों को सही-गलत में अंतर करना नहीं सिखा पाती। जो नहीं सिखा पाई मेरे पी एच डी भाई को कि किसी की अनुचित माँग के आगे झुकना गलत है, कि उन्हें यह सारे पैसे खर्च करने ही थे तो अपनी बेटी की ऐसी शिक्षा दिलाने में खर्च करने चाहिए थे जो उसे स्वावलंबी बनाती, एक बोझ नहीं जिसे वह अपने कंधे से उतार कर किसी और के कंधे पर डाल रहे हैं। जो नहीं सिखा पाई मेरी एम ए, बी एड भाभी को कि अगर उनकी बिरादरी के लड़के बिना दहेज लिए उनकी सुंदर, शिक्षित बेटी से शादी करने के लिए तैयार नहीं हैं, तो वह उनकी बेटी के लायक नहीं हैं और उन्हें अपनी जात बिरादरी की ज़िद छोड़ कर ऐसे लड़के की तलाश करनी चाहिए थी जिसकी दॄष्टि में लड़की के गुणों का मूल्य होता। जो नहीं समझा पाई मेरी भतीजी को कि अगर शादी की टीम टाम और आडंबर की कीमत पिता को कर्ज़ में डुबाना है तो यह कीमत बहुत ज़्यादा है और चुकाने योग्य नहीं है। जो नहीं सिखा पाई उस लड़के को कि स्वाभिमान किस गुण का नाम है और यह कि दहेज में हीरे की अँगूठी और कार माँगने की बजाय उसे अपनी कमाई पर विश्वास होना चाहिए। नहीं सिखा पाई उसके माता पिता को कि बाहरी दिखावे के लिए आग्रह करके और दहेज माँग करके वह अपनी हैसियत एक याचक की बना ले रहे हैं।
इस विवाह में शामिल होना मेरे लिए ज़रूरी होगा, पर मुझे नहीं लगता कि इस नाटक के किसी भी पात्र की मैं कभी इज़्ज़त कर पाऊँगी।
A weekend in Udupi and Manipal
A few days ago Niranjan and I spent a weekend with our friends Lavanya and Madhav Shanbhag in Manipal. Both of them are ex- Indian Army and are at present, educationists. Lavanya is a Professor in the dept of Opthalmology in Manipal Medical College and Madhav is the Director of The Institute of Jewelery Design and Management. We spent an interesting two days with them in Manipal.
The nearest town to Manipal, six km away, is Udupi, which is the originating place for the numerous Udupi restaurants dotting the world map, famous for serving authentic South Indian food. Ironically, there is no Udupi restaurant in Udupi with a decent sitting area and ambience, where one can enjoy south Indian food at leisure. Most eating places of this town are barely functional. So we stuck to home food and enjoyed typical Mangalorean cousine on all our meals while we were there, cooked by a seemingly tireless Lavanya and served on banana leaves . Lavanya keeps a very busy schedule, but loves cooking and made sure that we sampled the best of dishes of that particular region.
The day we arrived in Manipal, Madhav and Lavanya took us around the old and famous temples of Udupi. Udupi is a well known temple town of south Karnataka, drawing a huge number of pilgrims from all over India. Its most famous temple, the Krishna temple has an interesting story attached to it. A couple of hundred years ago, a devotee , Kanaka Das, was denied entry in the temple on the ground of his low caste. He was very upset and disappointed at not being able to avail 'darshan' of Lord Krishna. He stood by the sidewall of temple and cried out to the Lord and made his distress on being denied entry in His house known to Him. As the folklore goes, a crack appeared in the side wall and a part of it fell off creating a window in it to enable Kanaka Das to see the Lord. And then the statue of the Lord Krishna moved and turned its face towards that window so that Kanakadas could see the front view of Lord's face. That position of the statue remains till date. The devotees who enter the temple from the main entrance get side view of Lord Krishna. For getting front view of the face, they have to go to the window on the side wall.
In Udipi temples, the 'Rath Yatra', in which the statue of the Lord is taken around in a Rath pulled by devotees to the accompaniment of drums and other musical instruments, is a frequent event and there are many Raths for the purpose. Besides the important festival days, the devotees can request for a Rath Yatra on their behalf by offering some money to the Lord. Depending upon the size of the offering, they are granted the privilege of a taking the God for a ride on a small (about 20 feet high), medium sized, big(about sixty feet high), silver or a golden Rath. The evening we went around the Udupi temples, we saw a Rath Yatra in progress. The well lighted and decorated Rath carrying the statue of the Lord was being pulled by men and women of all ages while some other people danced along its way, some were lighting up camphor on its path and some were beating the drums. It made a magnificent visual.
Manipal, though nearby, is away from the hustle and bustle of Udupi and is fairly self sufficient. It is an educational township with a University which constitutes twenty two educational institutes - most famous among them being the Kasturba Medical College and Hospital. Others are engineering college, law college, college of management, college of education, college of nursing, college of pharmacy, college of jewelery design etc. We spent an afternoon exploring Manipal institutes.
Manipal institutes are in modern, well maintained buildings and are excellently equipped with libraries and labs. The Medical college has a museum-something pretty unusual in any medical college of our country. It has a large collection of actual body parts, carved intricately so that one can see all the arteries, veins and nerves inside, preserved in formalin. One can look at the heart and see its auricles, ventricles, arteries, veins, valves etc. There were different sections devoted to different body parts- hands, feet, liver, brain, lungs, stomach etc. Seeing all these specimens made us wonder what a complex machine a human body is. A section was devoted to human fetuses of all ages, right from one week after conception to the time just before its birth. One week old fetus was about a quarter of an inch long lump. A five week old fetus was an inch long and had developed its limbs. Seeing step by step development of human life form was awe-inspiring.
Manipal has a beautiful beach- Malpe. We drove to it one evening to see the sunset. Walking on the wet sand along the wind swept beach was a pleasure indescribable in words. There were motor boats and sea-mobikes in the sea for the benefit of the tourists. Curiosity got better of us and we agreed to take a short ride on a sea-mobike there. Niranjan sat behind the driver clutching him and I sat behind Niranjan. As the sea mobike drove fast into the sea, it violently jumped over the waves every five seconds or so. I clutched Niranjan tight and concentrated on not falling off the contraption. It was fun nevertheless and got over too soon.
Next morning we left for Mangalore ,which is about sixty kilometers from Manipal by a bus. After seeing some city sights there we took a train to our present home town, Bangalore.
The nearest town to Manipal, six km away, is Udupi, which is the originating place for the numerous Udupi restaurants dotting the world map, famous for serving authentic South Indian food. Ironically, there is no Udupi restaurant in Udupi with a decent sitting area and ambience, where one can enjoy south Indian food at leisure. Most eating places of this town are barely functional. So we stuck to home food and enjoyed typical Mangalorean cousine on all our meals while we were there, cooked by a seemingly tireless Lavanya and served on banana leaves . Lavanya keeps a very busy schedule, but loves cooking and made sure that we sampled the best of dishes of that particular region.
The day we arrived in Manipal, Madhav and Lavanya took us around the old and famous temples of Udupi. Udupi is a well known temple town of south Karnataka, drawing a huge number of pilgrims from all over India. Its most famous temple, the Krishna temple has an interesting story attached to it. A couple of hundred years ago, a devotee , Kanaka Das, was denied entry in the temple on the ground of his low caste. He was very upset and disappointed at not being able to avail 'darshan' of Lord Krishna. He stood by the sidewall of temple and cried out to the Lord and made his distress on being denied entry in His house known to Him. As the folklore goes, a crack appeared in the side wall and a part of it fell off creating a window in it to enable Kanaka Das to see the Lord. And then the statue of the Lord Krishna moved and turned its face towards that window so that Kanakadas could see the front view of Lord's face. That position of the statue remains till date. The devotees who enter the temple from the main entrance get side view of Lord Krishna. For getting front view of the face, they have to go to the window on the side wall.
In Udipi temples, the 'Rath Yatra', in which the statue of the Lord is taken around in a Rath pulled by devotees to the accompaniment of drums and other musical instruments, is a frequent event and there are many Raths for the purpose. Besides the important festival days, the devotees can request for a Rath Yatra on their behalf by offering some money to the Lord. Depending upon the size of the offering, they are granted the privilege of a taking the God for a ride on a small (about 20 feet high), medium sized, big(about sixty feet high), silver or a golden Rath. The evening we went around the Udupi temples, we saw a Rath Yatra in progress. The well lighted and decorated Rath carrying the statue of the Lord was being pulled by men and women of all ages while some other people danced along its way, some were lighting up camphor on its path and some were beating the drums. It made a magnificent visual.
Manipal, though nearby, is away from the hustle and bustle of Udupi and is fairly self sufficient. It is an educational township with a University which constitutes twenty two educational institutes - most famous among them being the Kasturba Medical College and Hospital. Others are engineering college, law college, college of management, college of education, college of nursing, college of pharmacy, college of jewelery design etc. We spent an afternoon exploring Manipal institutes.
Manipal institutes are in modern, well maintained buildings and are excellently equipped with libraries and labs. The Medical college has a museum-something pretty unusual in any medical college of our country. It has a large collection of actual body parts, carved intricately so that one can see all the arteries, veins and nerves inside, preserved in formalin. One can look at the heart and see its auricles, ventricles, arteries, veins, valves etc. There were different sections devoted to different body parts- hands, feet, liver, brain, lungs, stomach etc. Seeing all these specimens made us wonder what a complex machine a human body is. A section was devoted to human fetuses of all ages, right from one week after conception to the time just before its birth. One week old fetus was about a quarter of an inch long lump. A five week old fetus was an inch long and had developed its limbs. Seeing step by step development of human life form was awe-inspiring.
Manipal has a beautiful beach- Malpe. We drove to it one evening to see the sunset. Walking on the wet sand along the wind swept beach was a pleasure indescribable in words. There were motor boats and sea-mobikes in the sea for the benefit of the tourists. Curiosity got better of us and we agreed to take a short ride on a sea-mobike there. Niranjan sat behind the driver clutching him and I sat behind Niranjan. As the sea mobike drove fast into the sea, it violently jumped over the waves every five seconds or so. I clutched Niranjan tight and concentrated on not falling off the contraption. It was fun nevertheless and got over too soon.
Next morning we left for Mangalore ,which is about sixty kilometers from Manipal by a bus. After seeing some city sights there we took a train to our present home town, Bangalore.
A bus trip to Mangalore
Last week at 9 pm one evening my husband Niranjan and I boarded a AC sleeper night bus in Bangalore to travel to Mangalore. The journey takes roughly ten hours and the bus was to reach Mangalore at 7 am next morning. As we got the bus, we stopped and stared around in amazement. It was not like any bus we had seen earlier. There was a passage along both sides of which there were berths in two tiers. On the right side of the passage, the berths were of the size that we get when we travel in three tier AC compartment of a train-about six feet long and two and a half feet wide. However, it was the size of the berths at the left side of the passage that startled us. There were supposed to be two berths there, but instead we found there a single queen size double bed- about six feet long and four and a half feet wide. It was a typical double bed alright, with a decent foam mattress, one plain bed sheet which had seen better days, two pillows and two blankets folded neatly at the foot. There wasn't even a token partition of a curtain or a pillow or a separation of some kind on the double bed. And yes, since the whole bus was two tiered, so there were some lower double beds and some upper double beds. There were curtains to shield all berths/double beds from prying eyes and to provide them complete privacy.
Niranjan and I sat on our bed wondering what would two strangers do for achieving privacy if all the single berths were booked already and they ever had the misfortune to get one of the left side berths (say-one half of the double bed). In case the person who had window side portion of the double bed needed to get off the bed, he would have to jump over his/her sleeping berth- mate. However, that was not the worst thing that could happen to him as we learnt later in the course of our journey.
Niranjan and I sat on our bed wondering what would two strangers do for achieving privacy if all the single berths were booked already and they ever had the misfortune to get one of the left side berths (say-one half of the double bed). In case the person who had window side portion of the double bed needed to get off the bed, he would have to jump over his/her sleeping berth- mate. However, that was not the worst thing that could happen to him as we learnt later in the course of our journey.
As the bus started, we both lay down on our double bed tried to relax and sleep. I had chosen the window side of berth. The bus reached the highway and it picked up speed. Then the unexpected fun began.
We had to negotiate some ghats(hilly areas) as we drove towards Mangalore. Every time the bus took a sharp right turn, Niranjan rolled and collided with me as I rolled towards the bus wall. The roll in the opposite direction happened every time the bus took a left turn and the only reason we did not fall off the bed in the passage was the metal ladder which was midway along the length of the bed for the use of the upper double bed users and which stopped our free fall. In between all these collisions all the examples that we had studied about the centrifugal force in our high school Physics text books came back to haunt us. After our first giggles at our predicament were over,we began envying the single berth owners who did not have so much rolling space and as a result were being thrown about by much less distances.
Since there was no partition between us, we could not help colliding with each other. I suppose the same thing was happening on all the double beds, more so on the ones on the upper story. As we found it impossible to sleep with all these jerks and collisions, we decided that our best option would be to hold each other tight and try to sleep. That way, there would be two advantages, Firstly, we would be saved from the collisions. Secondly, because of the increased mass of our combined body mass, the inertia would be much more and rolling of the two- body- bundle would be slower and the collision with the bus wall would be less forceful. And I am not even talking about the romantic connotations involved!
All the pieces of luggage stored under the beds and the footwear of all passengers followed the same laws of centrifugal force and were sliding with the turns of the bus on the winding road making us wonder how we would locate and untangle our respective possessions in that haphazard mass. To top it all this inconvenience the driver declared that we would be given just one fifteen minute break in our ten hour ordeal of a journey. He rode roughshod over the protests of the passengers saying that he has to get the passengers to Mangalore early in the morning as some of them have to attend offices that day.
In spite of the incessant tossing and turning we managed to get some broken bits of sleep and reached Mangalore in one piece each in reasonably good state of health. Still, I do not think I would ever dare to undertake another bus journey on this route aboard the sleeper night bus in a hurry. However, I will definitely advise it to couples who are encountering some cooling off in there relationship.....it just might help and rekindle the old passions!
We had to negotiate some ghats(hilly areas) as we drove towards Mangalore. Every time the bus took a sharp right turn, Niranjan rolled and collided with me as I rolled towards the bus wall. The roll in the opposite direction happened every time the bus took a left turn and the only reason we did not fall off the bed in the passage was the metal ladder which was midway along the length of the bed for the use of the upper double bed users and which stopped our free fall. In between all these collisions all the examples that we had studied about the centrifugal force in our high school Physics text books came back to haunt us. After our first giggles at our predicament were over,we began envying the single berth owners who did not have so much rolling space and as a result were being thrown about by much less distances.
Since there was no partition between us, we could not help colliding with each other. I suppose the same thing was happening on all the double beds, more so on the ones on the upper story. As we found it impossible to sleep with all these jerks and collisions, we decided that our best option would be to hold each other tight and try to sleep. That way, there would be two advantages, Firstly, we would be saved from the collisions. Secondly, because of the increased mass of our combined body mass, the inertia would be much more and rolling of the two- body- bundle would be slower and the collision with the bus wall would be less forceful. And I am not even talking about the romantic connotations involved!
All the pieces of luggage stored under the beds and the footwear of all passengers followed the same laws of centrifugal force and were sliding with the turns of the bus on the winding road making us wonder how we would locate and untangle our respective possessions in that haphazard mass. To top it all this inconvenience the driver declared that we would be given just one fifteen minute break in our ten hour ordeal of a journey. He rode roughshod over the protests of the passengers saying that he has to get the passengers to Mangalore early in the morning as some of them have to attend offices that day.
In spite of the incessant tossing and turning we managed to get some broken bits of sleep and reached Mangalore in one piece each in reasonably good state of health. Still, I do not think I would ever dare to undertake another bus journey on this route aboard the sleeper night bus in a hurry. However, I will definitely advise it to couples who are encountering some cooling off in there relationship.....it just might help and rekindle the old passions!
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